Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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