I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
