my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Randomize
