Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
