so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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