there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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