I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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