That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
