her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize