and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
