Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
