the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
