You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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