Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
