I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
