I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
