It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
