My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
