the condom got lost in my hair
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
