how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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