The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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