I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
