this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
