i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
