I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize