I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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