after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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