I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
