yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
