I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize