I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
