i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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