man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
