I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We just shotgunned beers for America
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
