I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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