Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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