I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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