i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize