i don't plan on having that self control this summer
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
