do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
