You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
