It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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