dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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