new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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