My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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