First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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