im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Is it penis luge time yet?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
