I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Randomize
