Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
