I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
