he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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