dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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