when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
