You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
