What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize