The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
