The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
