i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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