Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
