just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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