whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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