batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
