either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
