So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
