It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
